“This” what? Pairing “This” with a Noun
by Heather Jane McWhinney
The passage below has an orphaned “this.”
In the 1980s, governments sought efficiencies by introducing private sector management practices that empowered managers to delegate authority. This traces its origins to prominent studies such as the Royal Commission on Government Organization.
What does “this” refer to here? Is its antecedent the seeking of efficiencies, the introduction of private sector management practices, the empowerment of managers, or the delegation of authority? How can the writer clear up this ambiguity? By pairing “this” with a noun. Notice how much clearer this revision is:
In the 1980s, governments sought efficiencies by introducing private sector management strategies that empowered managers to delegate authority. This interest in bringing business practices into government traces its origins to prominent studies such as the Royal Commission on Government Organization.
By clarifying what “this” means, the writer has shed light on the meaning of the entire passage. Here is another example of an orphaned “this”:
Provincial decision makers devise water policies with little input from the local communities whose livelihoods depend on an unimpeded water flow and a healthy habitat for marine life. This can be seen in the difficulties local people have in making their requests heard for better water resource management and access to information.
What does “this” refer to in sentence 2? To the fact that policy makers devise water policies, that local communities have little impact on these policies, or that the livelihoods of local communities depend on river conditions? In the revision, the writer reduces ambiguity by pairing “this” with an adjective and noun.
Provincial decision makers devise water policies with little input from the local communities whose livelihoods depend on an unimpeded water flow and a healthy habitat for marine life. This power imbalance can be seen in the difficulties local people have in making their requests heard for better water resource management and access to information
The addition of “power imbalance” reduces the abstraction of the passage. By its very nature, academic writing is abstract. The last thing you want to do is to add unnecessary abstraction. Below is one final example of an orphaned “this” from a science paper:
More investigation is required to measure changes of extreme precipitation in regions with few station records, where data are sparse. This would help researchers to analyze variation in extreme precipitation across the globe.
And here is the revision. You’ll see that “this” has been transformed into “these measurements.”
More investigation is required to measure changes of extreme precipitation in regions with few station records, where data are sparse. These measurements would help researchers to analyze variation in extreme precipitation across the globe.
As an editor and writing coach, I see lots of the orphaned “this.” In fact, one of my most common suggestions to writers is to add a noun to the orphaned “this.” But I don’t advise doing this at the drafting stage because stopping to think of words to go with “this” could slow you down. It’s better to search for instances of the orphaned “this” when you revise. Simply type “this” into your document’s search function. If any orphans surface, add a noun, an adjective and noun, or a phrase. If the antecedent is plural, you may need to combine “these” with a noun.
Even when the antecedent is clear to readers, I advise writers to pair “this” or “these” with a noun. The more often you can minimize abstraction and remind your readers of your subject, the better. These reminders both keep readers on track and enhance flow and coherence.
A big thank you to former students and clients for permission to use their work in this blog. Stay tuned for future blogs on other tips to improve clarity and flow.
Heather Jane McWhinney
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